Symptoms

I’ve been feeling pretty nauseated mid-mornings, though haven’t actually had to throw up (thankfully!).  I am constantly feeling fatigued and while I fall asleep pretty hard when I first get to bed, I am sometimes faced with insomnia around 3:00 am.  So this may be adding to the fatigue. 

We’ve been earnestly praying for the baby(s) (find out next Thursday how many of them are in there—mom still insists there are twins!) in addition to next steps.  Brian actually has a good lead with Chick-Fil-A corporate thanks to Page, so we are keeping our fingers crossed.

Sharing the news

After our family Christmas celebration, Brian herded everyone outside under the ruse of taking a family photo.  Once we were all situated he took a couple of test shots, ‘say cheese’.  Then he blurted out, “Okay everyone, on a count of three say ‘Brandee’s pregnant’.”  And that’s how we shared the news.  Everyone was shocked, to say the least, but overjoyed once they processed the news. 

First appointment scheduled!

The nurse called and confirmed that everything looked great with the second test and went ahead and scheduled my first prenatal visit.  On Thursday, January 6^th we’re doing an ultra sound and will get to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  Yeehaw!  It all seems very surreal still, but it is finally starting to sink in a little.  How are we ever going to keep this a secret through all the family get-togethers we’re scheduled to have over the next few days?!

Still waiting

Never heard from the nurse so I called and left a message.  She called back to let me know the results of the second test had not yet arrived and if they didn’t receive them by 5pm today, then they should have it first thing tomorrow.  She did go on to say that everything looked good with the first test, and that I definitely am pregnant.  It’s just a matter of ensuring my levels are escalating the way they should (hence the second test a few days later).

Brennen called me during lunch to confirm the news as mom told him that morning.  I decided to let Blain and Dad know as well.  So now my family is in the know...we decided to wait until Christmas to tell Brian’s family.

Confirmation part deux

Second blood test completed today.  How am I going to stand it until tomorrow?

Getting confirmation

Took my first of two pregnancy blood tests today.  The nurse said I should have the final results the day after the second test which would be next Tuesday.  Can’t wait!

Dear Little One...

Dear Little One,

We just recently learned that you exist.  The pregnancy test I took came back positive and your daddy and I are still processing this news.  We have waited so long for you, and thought it would take several months of infertility treatments before it worked.  But apparently not.  Joy and elation are my two primary feelings right now, but to be honest, I am also terrified.  How am I supposed to know how to take care of you?  There is no instruction manual to follow.

If our calculations are correct you are 2 weeks old, not visible to the naked eye yet.  You and me...we have an interesting nine months ahead of us.  I cannot wait to experience all the things that will take place as you develop and grow within me.  Your daddy is thrilled too.  We can’t wait to meet you.  Just be patient with us as we figure out this parenting thing.  We love you.

Whoa nelly!

So all week I was feeling a bit ‘blah’.  Headachy, grumpy, hormonal...I knew the end of my luteal phase was approaching (Saturday) so I figured I was feeling the symptoms of PMS.  However, something nagged at the very corners of my brain...just maybe... 

I had resolved to not doing any home pregnancy tests until Saturday because I wanted to be absolutely certain.  I did not want to read something into a potentially faulty result.  But for whatever reason, once I got home from work yesterday I decided to just take the EPT.  I honestly didn’t think anything would come of it.  After all, we had only gone through a single cycle of Clomid.  Surely it wouldn’t have happened so soon.  Yes, we had timed everything to the best of our ability, but you just never know with the body.  Besides, every single OPK result was a resounding negative (-).

Imagine my utter shock when I glanced over at the test on the bathroom counter and all of a sudden the word jumped out at me.  PREGNANT.  What?!?!?!?!?  I must have misread it.  Nope, a second look showed that same word displayed.  PREGNANT.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Immediately an onslaught of thoughts and emotions rushed through me.  I simply couldn’t believe it was happening.  I had psyched myself out for the long haul with this process thinking it would take months and months.  I just didn’t know how to react.  Joy.  Terror.  Elation.  Anxiety.

I immediately tried to call Brian on his cell phone but no answer.  Just as I was hanging up I heard his keys in the door and he came into the house.  I solemnly looked at him and told him he needed to go look in the bathroom.  He asked if there was a dead mouse (we were having mice issues).  I said he just needed to go look.

My poor, unsuspecting husband had no clue his world was about to be rocked.  I followed him as he walked down the hall and cautiously peered into the bathroom.  His eyes immediately glanced downwards, looking for that dead mouse.  I watched him slowly glance around and then the test must have caught his eye as he then reached in and flipped on the light switch.  I heard him say “What?!” as he whirled around to face me.  “For real?!”  The look of shock on his face surely mirrored my own.  We stood there just looking at each other then huge smiles broke out.  Tears filled my eyes and we embraced.

So at this point a rage of emotions and thoughts are flying through both our minds.  “I can’t believe it.”  “That was too easy.”  “We should have done this a long time ago!”  “Holy smoke, our lives will never be the same again.” And on and one it went as we struggled to wrap our minds around it all.

I went in and took another test which produced the exact same result.  PREGNANT.  Okay, I guess this must really be real.

We decided to tell my mom right then since she had been checking in with me daily during this first cycle.  She optimistically held on to the hope that it was going to happen this month though we definitely had our doubts.  I took a picture of the pregnancy test with the clearly visible word PREGNANT and sent it to her.

After she didn’t immediately respond, I knew she must not have her phone on at work.  So we patiently waited.  The phone call came about an hour later and there were screams of joy.  I am sure that the same shock that still lingered on our faces was now plastered on hers.  Oh how fun.

Now as we try to sort through the logistics I can’t help but sit in awe at the way God just works things out in His perfect timing.  Sure, we have no clue if we are moving, and if so, where to.  And long term plans still need to be decided...do I stay at home?  Go back to work after maternity leave?  Etc. etc. etc.  So much to figure out but peace in knowing that we just have to lay it at God’s feet and He’ll tell us exactly what we need to do.

On schedule

Happy Veterans Day!  Well, this will be the fifth and final day for this cycle of Clomid.  Thankfully, no side effects (that I know of, anyway).  Been pretty good about taking temp each morning, though getting up as often as I do in the middle of the night does throw me off a little since there should be a solid block of 3 hours of sleep prior to taking temp.  Should also try to take it at the same time each morning with as little movement as possible.  Not always easy to do when fumbling around on the nightstand for the thermometer in the dark half asleep!

The lessons I’ve been reviewing on fertilityfriend.com have been very informative and helpful.  I’m up to 17 or 18 of 20…so almost done.  Need to do some research on prenatal vitamins.  I’m sure it would be helpful to begin taking them now so they are in my system at the time of conception.  The new one I bought made me so sick that one morning, I’m afraid to take it again.  But I need something. 

I also feel pretty blah since I haven’t been able to exercise much lately.  Watched Biggest Loser last night and it got me motivated…just been so busy logging in every night with the bottleneck at work.  But that is how I got to be overweight in the first place, right?  Not making exercise a priority.  There will always, ALWAYS be something else competing for my time and attention…

Catching up

I was remiss in journaling this summer.  Pap smear results were normal, blood work was good except for what they thought was elevated blood sugar.  I did take the meds prescribed, and to make a long story short, the Meformin HCL (glaucafage) made me sick-sick-sick.  I took it for about a month, got up to the recommended 3x per day dosage, and was miserable the entire time.  Then when I saw my lab work come back from Dr. Bussey (PCP) with blood sugar in the 80’s (which is very good/normal), I decided insulin resistance must not be a factor here.  So I stopped taking the meds.

I didn’t get my period at all this summer (May – September) and no, I wasn’t pregnant.  It did resume again in September so I went back for my follow-up/consultation with Dr. Knodel.  She gave me a prescription for Clomid (infertility medication to aid with ovulation).  If I didn't get my period in November, then I would take something to induce my period and then begin with Clomid the following month.  However, on November 5^th I did get my period!  So I started Clomid on day #3 of my cycle (Sunday/yesterday) and will take it for 5 days; then I am supposed to ovulate 5-10 days later.  I have been charting my temperature and all seems to be in line (my temperature spiked a bit when I started my period).

I admit to being really down this summer about all this.  I guess turning 36 hit me a lot harder than I thought it would.  Officially in the at-risk category, though I am working on not letting that fear rule this entire process.  And a process it is turning out to be.  I have been educating myself on all things fertility related.  Fertilityfriend.com has become a very good friend of mine; and I’ve been using the MyDays app on my Droid for daily night-stand record keeping.  I will go out and buy an ovulation predictor kit in the next few days to help me try to pin point ovulation (along with the temperature and cervical fluid readings), though based on the 5-10 days post medication period, I should hopefully have a pretty good idea.

It WILL get better, right?!

Uggh, this is no fun.  The gastro issues are so bad I had to ask my boss if I could work from home next week.  Embarrasing more than anything.  I KNOW this will all be worth it if it works, but please tell me it WILL get better!

Meds

First day of meds.  Nervous about the side effects.  Also, didn’t sleep well last night and I have a slight headache at the moment so not feeling so hot. 

Did feel some effects after lunch (though the meds were taken right after breakfast).  Mainly nausea and gas.  She warned me about this...that's why I'm supposed to ease into the full dosage.  Start with one pill a day for a week, then two a day for another week, ultimately working my way up the three a day. 

Here we go!

Well, today is officially the start of our parental journey.  Something I’ve been putting aside for a long time now—addressing the subject of my apparent infertility.  I went to an OB/GYN for the first time in nearly 15 years and it looks like I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome).  Waiting for results from my pap smear and blood work for confirmation.  I need to ask about the ultrasound of my ovaries as well. 

Dr. Knodel has put me on Meformin HCL which is supposed to address insulin resistance.  If all the tests check out okay (including Brian’s sample) then the next step is to put me on some type of fertility medication to help get my hormones straightened out and stimulate my ovaries. 

This is all quite daunting and overwhelming, and much more consuming than I ever thought it would be.  I know myself too well...I start thinking of all the possibilities, what could happen (good or bad) and before long I’ve worked myself up into a tizzy.  I will start charting my temperature again via fertilityfriend.com.  I am resolved to not becoming one of those women so all consumed with getting pregnant that I drive my husband crazy and wreak havoc on my marriage.  On the other hand, I do want to utilize all available resources that I possibly can.

So that’s where we stand.  Let's see where this ride takes us...